To you, as you still breathe life-giving air” —The Aeneid by Virgil, translated by Robert Fitzgerald
Book I, line 533-534
“Cradle of Invention” by John Bohannon, Wired February 2012
Don’t we all my friend, don’t we all.
I try to live “no regrets” as best as I can. It is so important to be at peace with yourself over the decisions you make in life, and to understand why you did what you did at the time. But this time I don’t understand. It’s this annoying tug on the corner of my conscious, the what-ifs and could-have-beens. I know I haven’t lived perfectly and that I’ve regretted before, but this is the first time that I’ve really strongly felt a missed opportunity bothering me. Someone told me today that when he looks back, he regrets more the things he didn’t do rather than what he did. That’s exactly it: what I didn’t say is now left with nowhere to go except to remain locked in my mind till the chance comes by again. If ever.
So I wake up this morning all refreshed and pumped and ready to attend all three morning lectures that I have scheduled since last week I only attended two. I do my morning thang—brush my teeth, wash my face, put up my hair, change my clothes, yadda yadda—and walk outside to hop on Jale’s bike and attend my first lecture: 9am Physics.
Then I just happen to glance at my phone and realize that, “Hey it’s 10am, that’s so weird oh fuck it’s 10am I already missed the 9am lecture.” Which meant that I was, once again, skipping IHum lecture because there’s also a 10am Physics lecture which is the one I had to go to because they take attendance at Physics lectures so can’t really skip those. In IHum they don’t. Which is why I can get away with not going to them for a whole week. Like I did last week.
And then after Physics, I unlock Jale’s bike from the bike rack and then try to stick the lock back onto the bike but I couldn’t. I don’t know WHY but it just wouldn’t fucking lock again. I literally stood there for 5 minutes just trying to lock the damn lock until some kid from my dorm stopped by to help me. She couldn’t do it either. In my frustration I promptly took it as a sign to skip Calc lecture as well and head on back to my dorm.
Which is where I am now. CHILLIN’.
I feel like I’ve been very lost lately in terms of wondering what it is exactly that I want to do with my life. That seems to be the ultimate question since leaving home for college: how am I going to get to the places that I want to eventually end up at? I’m only in the second quarter of my freshman year so people keep telling me that I have a lot of time left. Yet I feel like I have to have it all figured out RIGHT NOW.
I just need to take a breather. Not a break because I have too much work to do for that. A breather. I need to collect myself and get my shit together.
Also, I seem to have forgotten this but I’ve been recently reminded: journalists really are just the coolest fucking people ever.
still pick you over everybody.
Someplace somewhere right now someone is doing something extremely cool—for example skydiving, or having sex with a famous person—and this someone is thinking “someplace somewhere right now someone is doing something extremely prosaic—like drinking water to avoid a hangover, or their taxes.” And they’re laughing and laughing because the good times will never end.